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The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {